Every time I take a week off work, I tell myself I'm going to do all these wonderful, awesome things. I'll make declarations stating that I'll make those long overdue household repairs, I'll write 15 new poems and 10 new stories, I'll go see my friend I haven't seen in a year, I'll skate every day, I'll get some rest, I'll clean and repair my car, I'll create some art with my daughters, I'll watch that whole stack of videos I haven't watched, I'll read a few of those books I have stacked up in my bookcase, I'll shoot some photos, I'll volunteer at the food bank, I'll....

But the truth is, I don't do what I want to do, I do what I have to do.

I'm up at 6:30 AM every morning, I take and/or pick the girls up from school, I run errands, I do chores, I tell my friends I can't make it. I don't read, write, volunteer, or create any art with my daughters. I forget to take out the trash, I don't fix anything that is broken, I answer work calls. I smoke way too many cigarettes, I start drinking too early in the day, I tell myself that I should probably put down these bad habits, I swallow and shit out all of my fear and frustration, I lie to my wife and tell her everything is, and will be ok.

I stare at the wall and try to avoid those toxic thoughts that paint the mind black with tiny fists.

This week is no different than any other week.

The calendar changes, but not much else.